This year past year sucked. There is really no other way to describe it. Oh, I suppose I could take the higher road and admit that after this past year I am wiser and stronger as a human being. However, I am instead channeling my inner rebellious 15 year old self and calling it like it is at face value. When life throws so many curve balls at your head at one time, it becomes difficult to be an adult and take the lessons with a smile. I know there are people out there that have it way worse than my family does and I still have things to be thankful for. But every once in a while, just for general sanity, it helps to chalk things up with a label of “damn this sucks”.
Needless to say, I am seriously looking forward to 2015 being done and gone and being able to start a fresh new year. I have hope for things to be better. I know that it will take mindfulness to make it happen. To slow down and be able to analyze decisions before having to jump in with both feet. It is so easy to get tired of your current situation that you just want it to change and end up in a worse situation because of impatience. I feel that probably my biggest lesson of 2015 was that no matter how fast situations are thrown at you it is still important to stop and slow down. Otherwise, you simply get ran right over.
I know that in the coming year there will be difficulties. It is already setup to be completely devoid of rainbows and unicorns. My mother is ill with cancer, which we found out about this past May. She has no options for treatment and so I know that things will undoubtedly progress and worsen. Our 100 year old home seems to be falling down around us and will have to be fixed. My husbands job, our only income, is less than stable and we live in an area where there are no jobs. These are things that will come to a head this upcoming year. These are things that I lose sleep over. But they do not define me. That is where practicing mindfulness comes in.
If you want things to be better, or be able to handle traumatic situations then you need to know who you are. You need to understand that character in your head that will allow you to either weather the storm or crumble into a heap of wreckage. I spent a bit of time in wreckage the past few months and it’s a space of total despair and gets you nowhere fast. While there is no easy button for dealing with end of life issues for a loved one, I figured out that being able to share inner strength will make a huge difference for you and them. The strength to sometimes step out of the situation and make decisions when necessary or the strength to sit and cry with them when necessary. You won’t find that strength if you don’t know who you are inside. So with this in mind I plan to make the time to find peaceful moments to be reflective and intentional. Hopefully, I will come out of the next year with less wreckage and a better appreciation for the journey.
I hope, for all reading this, that you take every moment to breathe in everything you cherish. Find joy in the unexpected places. And last, but certainly not least, don’t wait to follow your dreams and decide what you do want to have define you. Life is short, live it before it’s gone.